sick storries

Ok, so I'm on this medication that has to be taken every 6 hours. If you think about it, there's no convenient way to do that at night since we're supposed to sleep 8 and the doctors said "get as much rest as possible"... well, I take mine at 1 and 7. So last night at 1 am my alarm goes off for me to take my pill...half awake I stumble to the kitchen, down a pill and a gulp of water. Done!
For the next 1.5 hrs I have creepy dreams about pills: doctors gave me moldy pills, or they're exploding inside of me etc. I wake up with a horrible pain in my lower esophagus. I remember the doctor explaining to me that this particular drug kills bacteria..which is good BUT, it kills a wide range of bacteria, even the ones in your digestive tract so it could cause problems... I immediately imagine this is it..there are no more working bacteria in my stomach so it's all backing up into my throat, like a bad toilet.. then I wake up a little more and realize that that stupid pill probably got lodged and is now dissolving in my throat. So I eat some tortilla, drink some water, and down some tums and go back to sleep... end of story

Sick

Being sick is boring.. after Oprah is done there's nothing on but news..and that's depressing. They're all talking about the woman who just had 8 kids and the 13 year old who was murdered by the sex offender who never should have gotten out of prison.
I can't imagine having 15 kids.... I can't even afford to take myself to the doctors much less 15 kids in for regular checkups and immunizations and such.. just wow.
I think I'm going to re-read Romans so that when Maco contests my previous blog I can have a good response :)

homework

so, i'm sitting here watching Sleeping Beauty by the Royal Ballet, and it so re-assures me that I'm glad I didn't chase after a career in ballet for longer... can you imagine? After years of hard work and determination, you get to wear a big poofy dress on stage and walk around in a pattern... or, if you're really lucky, you get to be one of 10 on stage in a tutu, doing balance and arabesque. That just wouldn't do it for me... and on top of it, you still have to starve yourself for the privalege of doing that arabesque... ugh!
I don't like classical ballet. I like teaching it, I like doing classes, and using classical ballet in Contemporary or neo-classical dances.. But the full length classical bellts just bore me.
On a totally different note, maternal instincts are funny! I'm suddenly in nesting mode again. Is it 'cause it's spring time again? Sigh, I haven't felt this way for a while.... I guess Marely has stopped satiating my baby need. : {
Also, a student of mine peed in the middle of class yesterday. I remember being about 10 and a girl peeing in a class I was taking, and thinking, "how did she not leave the room sooner?" I guess there's a level of intimidation in asking the teacher to leave weather it comes from being shy or out of fear that you didn't fufull your responsibility to take care of business before class...I don't know, but I do know poor little sofia was EMBARRASED!

St. Valentines

It's funny to me that we have a whole day nationally celebrated that is based off of a rumor. St. Valentine (or a plural group of saints perhaps) aren't even recognized by the Catholic Church because you can't find out anything about them. The rumor is that said St. Valentine was caught marrying Christian couples. At the time helping Christians was illegal, so he was martyred.
I like saints. I'm not sure theologically how I feel about them, but ideologically, I love them. Someone who's feet have trodden where ours have not, both on this earth and in the next life... someone who, like an elder, can pray for us (though, if Jesus Himself is interceding, do we really need more help?). I think the idea of certain patrons helps me focus on my specific issues. It's way too easy to blow through life without self-examination. Saints help me think about specific weaknesses in my personal character.
St. Valentine does not. I would marry Christians any day. Duh!
So Happy V-Day

natural ryhthm

I used to run. When I quit dance and gained 15 lbs. I decided now was a good time in life to be ok with bulkey quads (better than bulky fat). I loved it. It was empowering, exhausting, aggressive, and gave me a sense of accomplishment. I loved driving the rout I'd run to find out how far I'd made it. I think my record was 17 miles...which for me is alot. It's funny that I only ran for myself after my knee surgury which eventually made it too painful for me to run consistently. I probably would have liked it alot durring those years when my dad was unemployed, my oldest brother was had dissapeared somewhere in Biola, Nick and Mum were depressed, and Daddy (besides being unemployed) had been diagnosed with Diabetes. I'm pretty sure Hannah was just being Hannah durring that period, obstinant and difficult as ever. I would have liked to run then too I think.
I got a dog that was half beagle. I didn't really think about the implications of this until I had her and she was healed from her bowel issues and ready to RUN!! And let me tell you she can run. She makes dogs at the dog park do laps with her...it's soo cute! Her head bobs and her legs reach for the next bound. She loves it. We usually walk daily, but lately I've realized it's not quite enough exertion for her, we come home and she still has enough energy to play with Fitz and ask me to throw the ball. Today we ran. Went down to water front, put on the headphones, found a pace and just went with it. (Marley is now taking a nap on the couch next to me = ) I thought it was funny watching the other runners. I can't run for any length of time without an outside tempo set for me (such as music). There were these two guys who were in front of me for a while who were in perfect sinc...perfect! Arms sway, shoulders rocking, exactly identical. I laughed thinking how long I work with my dancers to make them do even one combination in perfect sinc. (p.s. i don't know how to spell sinc, synk, sink) lol.
I started noticing that all around me there were people running to the same inaudible melody...the song playing on my ipod matched with everyone's natural rhythm...now, i know that's because a 2/4 is the rhythm of the heart (four chambers, 2 sounds) but still, it's pretty awesome. It makes me sad to think that people with so much in common (humanity) have such a hard time relating sometimes. Agreeing is not as important to me as understanding...we need to listen more to the other person's beat, and then maybe we'd realize what we have in common.
I like running

Romans 9

It's ironic because I was just talking about this issue with my friend Evan last weekend, but I'm reading through Romans with reformed commentary, and bumped into Romans 9 today. So, basically, Paul says, God chooses before you're born whom He will Love and whom he will hate (using Jacob and Esau as examples). This means God's favor is not dependent on our actions.... which is good for most of us as we are all hopelessly sinful (duh!). But here's the clincher.. if it's only by grace that any of us find favor, and God punishes the sins of those he chooses to hate, why is it those peoples' fault?? I mean, take Pharaoh for example. Was so close to letting the Israelites go quite a few times, but then God hardens his heart and now he's gonna be held accountable for that. Now Paul also uses clay as an example. The potter gets to decide if it's gonna be an favored ash tray, or a piss pot, or a goblet used by a king. O.K. I get that, it works, but then, isn't the piss pot just being virtuous by being used for "low" tasks? Aren't they just doing what God decided ahead of time they would do? So who's fault is it really?
Now, don't get me wrong, I know that my sin is my sin! I know that I can (at least as far as I know) choose to do right. But it's more the idea of Salvation that seems "unfair". I guess it's like the Newsboys said it "when we don't get what we deserve, it's a real good thing, a real good thing, when we get what we don't deserve, it's a real good thing..."

Entitlement

Isn't it funny how people bond? Watching dogs at a dog park it makes sense. One dog is dominant, another follows.. some wrestle for the title, but in general, certain dogs play together well, others are outsiders, or simply oblivious... I like the herding dogs best because they've always got a job to do : )
I wish people could be more like that. Find their place so easily and contentedly. Instead we feel entitled to certain things. Especially in the romantic sense. Maybe it's just me but I have to fight myself from feeling like ex's are still my territory. I get jealous! Now, I know a lot of people would tell me that's because we're only designed to share ourselves that intimately with one person, so jealousy is a correct and natural reaction... still, I have the dilemma. It doesn't even mater if I'm happy to not be with them, I want them to be mine. I guess that's going back to original sin...wanting to be my own demi-god. Sigh
"that good which I want to do I don't do.. and that evil which I don't want to do I do"
St. Paul

God save me from myself!