scarry dreams again

I dreamt about visiting the Dr.s last night. I don't know if I'm anxious about my next visit or if it's just a strange heat induced dream, but it was freaky! The two nurses who have helped me in the past, one large and Danish the other small and asian told me there was this test they had to run before the Dr. could see me. The asian proceded to come at my hands with a scalpel... she'd slice my hand deep enough for blood and then the Dane would smear some stinging cream on each one and cover it with tape. Over and over and over till I couldn't see my hands any more and I finally screamed that they needed to stop and I needed to talk to my doctor because she hadn't told me about this test and it's bull sh__. That seemed to end the dream. grose and freaky! The worst cuts were the ones where the first attempt wouldn't go deep enough so she'd re-cut the same spot. Where does my brain pick this stuff up from? Maybe it was those seasons of Dexter I watched last year... hmm.

stupid maternity clothes

so, i'm down to my last/largest pair of non-maternity shorts that fit. I have gone shoping twice, and the pickings are not good. First of all, they assume that if you're pregnant, you must be the size of a small house. I have to find XS in the maternity department which seems kind of silly to me. Then, if I do find something that fits, it's hiddeous!! The one nice thing is they are the most comfortable clothes ever made. i want some pants I can wear to be dressed better than casual, but when they have a HUGE elastic circle in the front how nice can you look? SIGH 3 months left to looking horrible.

romance; Disney vs. romantic era

As I was coming up the stairs following dance history today, I overheard a conversation between two students about the depressing nature of today's material. i don't know if it came out of disgust from last week's My Prince Will Come theme or if it was simply because I like the ballet, but I chose Giselle as the first classical peice we'd study this week. i don't know how many of you are familiar with the story of Giselle, but it's sadly dramatic and ironically realistic (as far as character development). There's this girl Giselle, she's pretty and frail and betrothed to this lame hunter guy who cares about her but whom she doesn't love. Then there's this prince who's handsome and strong and betrothed to this princess lady, but he is tired of the royal life and iikes to sneak out in disguise among the peasants and experience "real life". Predictably on one such trip, Giselle meets her prince and they fall i love ( if disney did this story, it would end here and they would live happily ever after, never mind poor booring hunter guy and princess lady; "true love" trumps all). Well, it comes out that he's the prince, actually, Giselle finds the princess and the prince together and it causes her to go insane which puts some strain on her already weak heart, and she literally dances herself to death.

Here's the part I like, they're both rediculously selfish... Giselle has this great man (boring, sure, but great) who goes hunting for she and her mom, wants to love her and take care of her and she seemed to like him just fine until another better looking offer came up (so typical). Then there's the prince, he pretended he wanted to be with her, even said he loved her and wanted to marry her when he knew all the time that he was promised to this princess chick and even if he wasn't, he couldn't marry a commoner (again, typical, say the line to get what you want). Sigh.

The story gets even a little more depressing. There are the willies ( i won't go into that here, if you really want to know, google it) and Giselle lets them kill her poor hunter dude. He loved her and made a cross for her grave and is probably still taking care of her mother, and she just lets him die! But the selfish prince she saves. What a stupid girl will do for a pretty face! Lesson learned? Love will kill you ladies, guys, pick a sweet girl and she'll save your ass even when you don't deserve it (oh, and have a pretty face).

Love is a magnet, everyone's at it, everyone's had it
love is a madness, love is a sadness, we are the addicts
what are we if we're not in love
what are we if we're not in love
these are the cages, a kiss is contageous, it will betray us all
a kiss will betray us all.

Dog sitting while 23 weeks pregnant.

Imagine with me, wrestling your own small but strong beagle mix along with it's friend a lab-bull mix on a nice walk to the park. You arive all limbs still in socket, and most nerves still intact. You get into the "unleashing area" with a little confusion, but make it ok; unleash; and realease dogs. Marley goes dashing off to meet other dogs as usual, penny turns immediately and wants me to throw the ball... After wading through the sand (why do they have sand at a dog park?) avoiding the wet sand and any poos, we pick a spot to be "home base". I throw the ball a few times. Penny is amazingly good at this, and surprisingly specific. I'm not sure if it's because mom and dad are gone, but she must have HER ball, none other will do and she will sniff and rule out EVERY other ball at the park till she finds hers. Penny doesn't have a mean bone in her body which is what makes this next part even more frightening... She can't find her ball. Some little Boston Terrier got confused and picked it up by mistake and now Penny is frantic and half insane looking for HER BALL. Some dog goes up to her to investigate what is causing this frienzy and out of nowhere, Deamon Dog jumps out possesing Penny and she is in a fight.

I grew up with dogs. Goldens, Beagles, Poodles, Boxers, all kinds. You learn to tell real quickly when they are play fighting and when they mean business. It's a different more stomachy growel, and the way they show their teeth is wolf-like. Now imagine me, 23 wks prego, stepping in-between these two dogs who way almost as much as me and pulling them appart. I swear it was instinct. I put Penny in a submission hold and straddeled her so the other dog couldn't get her... I knew she would submit because she's a sweet heart and just really freaked out about her ball. The other dog just walked away (thank God!).

Adrenaline is now pumping and I help Penny find her ball after she lays there for a while to calm down. I'm not sure if it's because of my energy or what, but a few minutes later, Marely, who is usually totally social and a really good wrester gets gang banged by like 4 dogs 3 X her size. I watch for a while knowing she can take care of herself, but finally, realizing her body language has changed (hackels up, tail tucked, going for the throat) I step in and again, force submission, let a dog or two smell her as I "claim" her with my body language, and let them walk away. The worst part? Not a single other owner was getting involved! Long story short, Penny and Marley will be playing in the yard for the next few days. lol.

Ah, the excitment of life!

ode to Gramps

I was riding in my miata with the top down and the wind in my hair on my way to fun in the sun for the fourth of July. What could be better than this? I turned on the radio to the oldies....memories flooded my mind bringing a fresh smile with each memory. i was back in Grandpa's garage. So clean and smooth the cement under my feet, relief from the hot sun. That unique smell of old Marlboro, gasoline, grease, and wood.... Then the hot dogs, the corn on the cob...the year we picked our own straight from the corn stalk and there were worms in my cob... slip and slide, jacuzzi, bad mitten, croquett, hoola-hoop... the year grandpa proved cats could walk on water by throwing Josie into the jacuzzi. Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents.. Every year the same. Then suddenly, without anyone asking us if it was ok with us, we were all grown up. Thank you Grandpa and Grandma for all the good memories. I love you! Happy 4th of July!

out of this world

i cannot describe how strange it is to have another person inside of you. I could spend hours just staring at my own belly waiting for the next kick, or punch, or somersault... i want to see it happen, and feel it, and tell Olive she's doing a good job. i wonder so often exactly what it's like for her. She knows my voice now and knows my ballet music CD (she dances when i teach); the books say she can feel and taste and hear and maybe through some strange "through my mom's senses" osmosis smell too. Strange! Yet all of this is happening underwater so to speak. Her kidneys have taken over flitering and refreshing the amniotic fluid, though most waste still goes through my blood and kidneys. She's already doing all of this and she won't even be full term for another 15 weeks! Sucking her thumb, feeling her face, playing with her umbilical cord...and all of it hidden from me exept for occasional bumps and pushes out to my world from hers. I can't wait to meet her. I can't wait to watch her explore the outside world. : ) Here's to the joys of pregnancy. Thank God for 2nd trimesters!!!