LA

well, we made it. I'll have to tell the full story when I have more time, it's got a lot of wrong turns... The truck is unpacked, we ditched my bed so we have to buy a new one tonight, gonna go clean my uncle's truck. Thanks Uncle David!

imagine

Imagine a boundless field. Grassy hill upon grassy hill. So much space it would be hard to guess the surface area, much less the number of blades of grass. Now imagine knowing each blade of grass as an individual. Even that much knowledge is overwhelming! NOW imagine Loving each blade of grass!!! not like, "I love grass!" but like "I love you mr. blade-of-grass" and not love like it makes you feel good warm and cushy, or like you just drank a gallon of wine and love everyone...but love like "I would die for you" love, for each blade of grass. Now read Psalm 103. especially vs 14-18. Considering that I find it hard to truely love anyone selflessly, this thought and image blew my mind. why would an infinite being waste himself on us like that? it's illogical, it's unfair! There's no way that the grass could ever reciprocate or even comprehend. It kind of puts a funny spin on life if you think about it. I mean, no one cries and complains that it's not fair when a blade of grass dies young, or is killed in a car crash lol. Ok, I guess that went a bit to far, but think of how silly it all is when you realize our frailty. Like moving is a big deal...i'm just grass, I should be thankful I'm not getting mowed!

precedence

I wonder with all the changes going on in the US if they've thought of hiring a historian to resurch the common side effects of these cultural changes. For instance... i wonder if there is a recorded society where men married men and adopted babies. What does that look like as it continues? Or our healthcare issues. I mean, isn't Canada almost bank rupt because of all of the things its government has taken over? And that's not even history! Who is keeping track of the ramifications of the alterations we're making? History does repeat. Sodom and Gomorrah... is there an extensive history on these places? I wonder how they got so perverted? It ususally goes in steps..what were the first ones? how did blindness start? Look down the road before you pick which fork to take people!

Just thoughts

Got my test back about the glucose levels. I'm good. Wich is good 'cause I just had like 3 cup cakes at my baby shower last night : )

The shower was FABULOUS! It was so amazing to have so many wonderful people in one house together. I've often marveled at how amazing it is to dance with a company full of sincere, concerned individuals. Polaris is amazing. But to have my other worlds of friends there too? How many people are lucky enough to have work friends that are fabulous, old school friends who are fabulous, and adopted family that are fabulous too? And to see everyone laughing and "ooh"ing and "ahh"ing with each new cute baby item. I just love my friends!

Which takes me to my next thought. I'm still in denial about moving. I don't think it will really hit me 'till I've been in LA for a while. I ususally visit home this time of year, so I imagine I can pretend it's just a long visit at first... There are so many people I want to spend like every second with before I leave but there's so much I'm supposed to be doing. (like posting my couch and table on Craigslist...anyone want a table or couch?) I'm so glad I teach at Fired Up till the end. A week away from those guys feels like months! sigh. Back to living I guess. I love you all!

good friends

are awesome!

too much time

So I'd like to preface this blog by saying I have too much free time these days which means self-pitty's breeding ground for those of you who don't know me that well yet.

I'm now at week 26. I have 10 more weeks before i'm "full term" and 14 more 'till I'm likely to give birth. For the last 6 months I've expanded, swollen, leaked, stretched, cried, and eaten a strange mixture of foods alone. Supposedly this week, my partner could hear Olive's heart beat by simply puting his ear to my belly. But I go to sleep each night alone and wake up each morning the same way. There's no one to kiss my belly or listen to Ollie's heart beat. No one to help me pick which song should be "her" song, putting the headphones over my bump so she can dance to it's beat (which she now has the brain capacity to recognize by the way). There's no one to talk to my belly, no voice for her to become familiar with besides my own.

So far, Olive has danced most to Divertimento no. 15 and to Muse's Ruled By Secrecy. I think though "The Hill" will be her song. More because I'm obsessed with it than any other reason.

On a side note, I'll be cooking alot these days to keep myself busy if anyone wants to swing by my place for dinner feel free!

entitlement

It's insane how we hold on to some things. It's insane how we stop holding on to anything to keep ourselves from getting hurt. Walls are built with each failed encouter and walls are chipped away at with each resonant conversation. With all this construction, it's a wonder we ever see into one another's eyes. Thank God for good timing.

All of you I have rights to
Is what of you I've had.
The only things I can claim from you
Are those you've given me yet.

Promisses and future plans,
wishes hopes or dreams
All of these are offered easily
and few are ever seen.

Soon I'll learn to indwell this moment
Soon I'll be contented.
Finally holding open handed
The future unafected.