Unearthly Sounds

I think now looking back that it was "ok" that came out of her mouth. But then it just sounded like all the guts and emotions of a lifetime spent, slipping from her diaphragm through her mouth. She was reading a text. From my Daddy. She tells me he's sick.

I remember about 4 years ago now she called me and told me he was dying. And I think now, what a funny thing to say because really we all are. There is 100% mortality rate among us son's of Adam and daughter's of Eve. But back then it crushed me to think that this man, this angel from God with whom I had wrestled for years was possibly giving up the fight and leaving... how could this be? And again today I wonder. I wonder if he'll be ok? What will the doctor say. Will we be ok? How could she, my mom, bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh, ever be ok without him?

It was over a decade ago now that the slow death began. He was unemployed and furiously demolishing the rotting remains of our termite ravaged back deck (so much like the view of his goals and dreams) when the pounds began to melt off of him with no muscle to replace it. Diabetes was the word. This man who loved chocolate milk and doughnut holes, and captain crunch, and pop-tarts would now live on sugar free snacks and well balanced meals with fake carbs beefed up with fiber. And life became tasteless.

God has been gracious. We have all been buoyed up by His hand and have come to know flavor in surprising places. Maybe sugar is still what we think we want, but we've learned that pepper and salt and onion tastes pretty good too. And so we wait. To know, to hear. What is today's word?

It's ironic because just yesterday Mommy read to me about the practice of eucharisteo. And the hard gift that caused all of that to waiver in one woman's life for a moment. And I wonder today if this is our hard gift? And if not this then what and when. And as I wait for my car's oil to be changed I pour out my fears and wonders and thoughts at the feet of my gracious Father. I wonder some times at the size and weight of it all. I feel overwhelmed today by the concerns I carry to Him and I am just one worried about my few. And He cares for us all! And in Him all things hold together. So I will praise Him!

I remember my senior year in high school, Doxology became my favorite song. Pastor John's church caused me to notice it, then I heard it everywhere. Every time I sought an answer that year brimmed full of uncertainty I would sing before and after...

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow, Praise Him all creatures here below, Praise Him above ye heavenly host! Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost!" And as simple as that is it sums it up well.